Self Love Begins Within

By: Earthtone Bre

Hey readers. Thank you for tuning in with BreSafé today. Lately, I've been learning what it means to love myself. Like actually love myself wholeheartedly. For a long time I was made to believe that there were things about myself that no one could cherish. So I grew up hating every aspect of me. There were things that I liked to do in life but nothing that I loved about my individual self. I hated my height, how thin I always was, how dark my skin tone was, etc. It all made my head spin. And throughout my years of school, children only confirmed those insecurities for me. I was alone and all I had was me. But I hated me. Imagine that.

But, when I was 18, I met a guy who I turned out to have a lot in common with. The way he took care of himself, groomed himself, and reassured himself was like nothing I had ever seen. He was just being him, but, to me, it was something I could learn from. I was used to low self-esteemed teens with drug and alcohol addictions and anxiety issues. I never saw someone be so sure of who they were and who they were trying to become. He was less than bothered by the feelings and opinions of the negative people around him. He separated himself from that atmosphere completely. Whether it was old friends, family, it didn't matter. If the vibe was wrong, he didn't tolerate it. Again, something for me to learn from.

I bare the pain of whatever folks dish out and it's always been too heavy for my frail shoulders. Yet, I managed to deal with it all and in a way, I enabled those who continued to hurt me. I thought that forgiveness meant that I had to allow them to break me down at their leisure. This made me feel even worse about myself. I felt that there was something so wrong with me and that whatever it is, was the reason people were repulsed by the very thought of me. I sought their approval for every little thing and hoped to God that they would find something to be proud of within me.

I've since learned that I was not the problem. They were. I learned that you live to be the person that God expects you to be. And for those who don't believe in God, you live to be the best you that you can be. We are all young and we have so much more to accomplish. I realized that everyday I can take a step forward in my life. Being happy with yourself doesn't mean you HAVE TO make lots of money. Of course anyone would like that. But try to do something that soothes your soul. Something that adds substance and depth to your being. When I went through a teen-life crisis in 2012, I completely lost myself. Now I'm not saying you can't enjoy yourself with some good ole drinking and/or smoking. But that became my crutch. If something happened that I didn't like, I would go get bent. No questions asked. But when I quit smoking on January 1, 2014, I asked myself, "What is it that really makes you happy?" and the answer was art. I've been naturally artistic since I was a little girl and nothing made me feel more calm and at peace than creating a painting or a sketch, or coloring, or using oil pastels to create an original image from the subconscious of my mind. It made me feel so mellow. And another thing that kept me cooled down was, and always will be, music.

You have to find those things within yourself. Look in the mirror and really think. What is it about me that is good and what concepts of life do I honestly like? Don't start with looks first. Start with your characteristics and your personality. Tell yourself with confidence because no one can take away what is already embedded in you and no one knows you better than you do. It's you. It's the good, real, constant you. Embrace it. People always say, "flaws and all," but usually only focus on the "flaws" part. There is more to you than just what's wrong with you. Like I said, be the best you that you can be. That means strive to improve the imperfections that hold you back from happiness and sharpen those tools in your personality belt that do serve you well already. And don't feel selfish for focusing on you. (Of course you should always love others. But love truly and sincerely, because that will build you up on the inside, knowing that you love someone even though no one is perfect. It will show you that it is possible to be loved, "flaws and all.")

But go out and enjoy you. Pamper yourself, or dance in the rain. Run through a meadow. Go on nature hikes. Enjoy your own company. Write fiction novels. Bake cakes. Have social events. Educate yourself by hibernating in a library for hours. Share your life experiences with others. Whatever builds your spirit. It doesn't have to cost money to make you feel good. The best things in life are free. And that is the most real quote you will ever know. It's okay to have long term goals but sometimes, while we wait for those things to happen, we don't end up doing anything else. Set mini goals for yourself everyday and you will accomplish so much more and you will feel good about being productive in various ways. Don't run yourself ragged, though, and don't set goals because you think everyone else is watching. Also, doing what makes you happy means not caring if other people point and laugh or whisper negativity about your hobby. As long as it's building your mentality and sanity, keep doing whatever it is.

You are the only one walking in your shoes, so make sure those shoes are comfortable while you continue to travel forward on the path of life!

#love #selflove #selfesteem #women #men #selfworth #life #happiness